| Friday, November 11, 2005 |
| Crazy ole' Pat Robertson - PA hellfire edition |
Hello friends, and happy Intelligent Design Friday!
I'm Pat Robertson, and I'm often on TV! I'd like to share with you today some of what God had to say to me during our morning tea! I try to have tea with God every morning, when I'm able, especially on Fridays, when I eat only loves and fish... in commemoration of Jesus' powers of multiplication... Now, I mention multiplication because it's math! ... and math is often linked to science, which when utilized in school, is often lashed to the devil...!
Friends, do you believe in God? Great! Then you also believe that God created man by touching his finger to Adam's on the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel! Eve before that, God created the whole world, 6,000 years ago, in just seven, 24-hour days! You believe that, right? Well I sure hope so. Because if you let yourself get all tangled up with all that "science" malarky, and start questioning how God could do something in seven days before there actually were any days, or wondering if perhaps Genesis isn't exactly literal, you might start doing other dangerous things: like believing in fossils and dinosaurs who weren't tamed by Adam in the Garden of Eden, and of course, playing with yourself and going blind...! If you let that happen then friends, I hate to break it to you, but you're on the fast track to Hell...
And as for you voters in Pennsylvania, I sure hope that God doesn't have to come calling on you with a FedEx delivery of hellfire and damnation today, on account of your dabbling with the wicked practice of scientific teaching. Why, you people actually voted God right out of town ...! ... treated him like a paroled prison convict, shoved a bus ticket and a crumpled $20 bill into his hands and chased him onto the Greyhound at the business end of a shotgun! Any why? Why? I won't even use that "E" word, because just saying it might expose me to the firey lick of hell's flaming inferno, where I would have to eternally burn with the likes of yew... I'm so sorry you did that. But if you ever need God again, I'm sure he'll be there for you ... NOT!
Well friends, that's all for today! Hopefully I'll see you again, when I'm on TV! I'm often on TV, friends, very, very often. And my real name is Marion, and I went to Yale! Did you know that, friends? Did you? You know I think I've gone and gotten off topic, like when I stop talking about Jesus on my TV show and start trying to sell you salad dressing and shakes! Do you ever shake, friends...? I do!
Well, God loves you! Unless you live in Pennsylvania, in which case he doesn't even know your name...
Tags: Pat, Robertson, crazy |
posted by JReid @ 12:59 PM   |
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