|Things (the new, mostly apologetic) Pat Robertson could say to get back into Israel's good graces and regain his piece of that $60 million Christian megaplex development project:
1. "Oh, did I say God said that crap about Ariel Sharon? I meant Jackie Mason... is this thing on...?"
2. "You'll never believe this ... God called back, and ... you're gonna love this...! He never passed his realtor's exam! Dudes, he doesn't know jack about dividing the land!"
3. "I'm sorry, I was on drugs."
4. "Crack, specifically..."
5. "Okay, when you heard 'Sharon is paying the price for dividing God's land,' what you really should have received was "Sharon Stone has really big hands..." That's what I actually said...
6. "If you don't forgive me you're all going to hell ... just like you will if you Jews continue to reject Christ as your personal savior ... okay not that last part..."
7. "Please baby baby baby please baby baby..."
8. "Now I think I'm having a stroke. But you can cure me, by letting me back in the Christian center deal..."
9. "God called me again, fellas! And this time he told me to tell you I'm a jackass! Does that help me with you?" ... and last, but not least...
10. "If you let me back in the deal, I'll ask my friends in the Bush administration to bomb the hell out of Iran."
Update: Best headline ever: Robertson tries to save Jesusland after Sharon gibe. Hat tip to Tikun Olam...
Tags: pat robertson, crazy, Israel, Sharon