Reidblog [The Reid Report blog]

Think at your own risk.
Tuesday, April 04, 2006
Ugh. Perky goes to CBS
Let me start this off by saying I'm really, really happy for Katie. However...

When I was working in a certain nameless newsroom, the name Katie Couric regularly sent shudders of revulsion through the place. Not that she probably isn't a perfectly wonderful human being ... it's just that she's so ... gosh-darn ... perky. And not just perky -- she's kittens and puppies, sugar sandwich with a syrup chaser perky. And the more she tries to be serious, instead of perky, the more puppy-petting, sticky candy cane, slit my freaking wrists perky she becomes. ... That and she was making more money than God while the rest of us schlubs were facing staff cuts ...

But seriously, even before I joined the MSM, Katie Couric just bugged the holy living crap out of me. It bugged me when she was sitting (perkily) next to Bryant Gumbel (they were like Perky and Jerky, weren't they?) ... and it would have bugged me when she sat down next to Matt Lauer, except that by then, I had long since quit watching the super-annoying, useless "Today Show"-- and all network morning show drivel for that matter (best "Today" related joke ever, courtesy of Chappelle's Show --

QUESTIONER: Hi Negrodamus. What will happen to Star Jones on "The View"?

NEGRODAMUS (played by Paul Moody): Wait ... I'm getting something ... Star Jones will have 2 jobs. First she'll do "The View," then she'll take off her wig ... and do the weather."
HA!!!

Anyway, let's stipulate that I, along with the rest of America, totally felt for Katie when she lost her husband to prostate cancer. Having lost my mother to breast cancer man years ago, I know how devastating that kind of loss can be. So by all means, godspeed to the woman and her kids -- and now that I've matured a bit from those newsroom days (yeah, right...) I wouldn't dream of knocking another person's hustle -- if she can get CBS to pay her more than the treasury of a small country she's getting at NBC to screw up their nightly newscast, I say "you GO girl!"

... I just hope she doesn't try to act all serious and newsy in Dan Rather's old chair. And I hope the "retrospective on her many hairstyles" planned as a "Today" farewell won't be repeated on her new network. Ever. That would just wring the last drops of precious life out of my last good nerve...

Finding solace: Well, thank goodness I get my nightly newscast from Keith Olbermann. He's a lot of things (funny, clever, wry, sarcasting, factual, and a damned good antidote to the Republican-friendly spitfire that's on before him...) but perky ain't one of them... We'll always have "keep your knees loose...!"

Update/Relapse: Ack! She's gonna be on 60 Minutes, too!!!? Damn, damn, damn!!! There's no "America's Sweetheart" in 60 Minutes! 60 Minutes reporters are supposed to be really old and crabby and have stray nose hair! I protest! Couldn't they get freaking Jack Cafferty??? Hell, Aaron Brown's got to be available ... he may not be old but he can do crabby!!! ...

Update 2/Resignation: (sigh) ...Hellooooo uninterupted Sunday dinner with the family...

Update 3/Cynicism and guttersniping: How long do you think it will be before she starts calling herself "Katherine..."? And will there be even more plastic surgery in the offing now that she's got to do full facial night after night? 'Cause homegirl didn't look this good before...

Update 4/Acceptance ... sort of: The NYT says make way for Meredith (Vieira, of The View) on Today (see "Star Jones" joke above and note the six degrees of separation...) So, NBC not promoting from within? Campbell Brown too FNC-ish for you guys now that she's married to a Bush P.R. flak turned conservative talking head? (hey, at least Campbell's not Daryn Kagan ... eeeeewwwwww.....) And who will protect Star from the note-passing wrath of Joy Behar when Meredith is gone? It's all so damned complicated and unpleasant...!

...hey, unpleasant is kinda of the opposite of perky, right? Riiight???

Whew! I'm feeling much better now.

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posted by JReid @ 10:04 PM  
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