Texas makes a run at Arizona for America’s most embarrassing state
George w. Bush made Texas embarrassing (and Florida, too) ... then Arizona and its gun nuts stole the crown. Now, Texas wants it back.
A few hundred Texans want out of the union, so they rallied on the Capitol steps this weekend to demand that Rick Perry, the current governor/president of Texas, follow through on his promise to quit this scurvy union and press on to the cause of FREEDOM! Some of the protesters even defended their “right as citizens” to secede “under the Constitution” … which didn’t even make their heads spin.
For these fine specimen of right wing fortitude, there will be no easy peace with the ni — I mean the usurper in the White House. No, it’s war, WAR I say! Which would be followed by a brand new Republic of Texas, with no taxes, no regulations to stay the loving hand of capitalism, no gun laws, no “public schools” with their “evolution” and “science” malarkey… no gov’ment whatsoever, and therefore, true freedom! Of course, that would also mean no police force, no army, no fire department, no public hospitals, no protection from Mexican drug gangs overrunning the border (which would no longer be patrolled by the evil United States and its taxpayer-funded Border Patrol,) and no more federal dole should another natural disaster strike (in fact, they’d have to plead for humanitarian assistance the way, say, Sri Lanka might…) But no matter! Texans will press on! They’ll live off the land! Hunt and grow their own food! Breed their own teenaged girls without no damned, devil’s contraception (sorry, did I type that out loud???) and get their healthcare the way the founding fathers of this great, wicked union whose constitution they adore (except for the election parts) intended: through prayer, charity and leeches!!! And finally … FINALLY they’ll get the government off their backs!!! You know? I’d almost like to see the U.S. let them go, and see how they make out (so long as we seal the border so they can’t get back in…) Watch and learn:
Onward! Now, how can we get them to take Arizona and Kansas with them…?
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