Charlie’s morning whoppers
So Charlie Crist is in the midst of his big morning media blitz (he’s doing CNN, MSNBC, Fox and Friends, etc.) I happened to catch his act on “Morning Joe” (sans Joe) just a few minutes ago. If you live in Florida, you might have been confused by what he said. So I thought I’d provide a helpful translation:
On embracing President Obama (and his stimulus money) in February:
“I’m a civil person and I respect the office of the president.” — Translation: “Hey, who wouldn’t hug a guy who had a 70 percent approval rating? Oh, and Mr. President, could you make that check out to ‘cash’? I’m not sure our state’s creditors will take a check…”
On turning around and dissing his newfound pal the president as “the next Jimmy Carter”:
“People voted for change back in the 70s and they did again last year. But not this change. What the people want is more private sector, less government.” — Translation: “Hey pal, I’m trying to keep the right wing nut-jobs off my back. Did I mention I’m running for Senate?”
On unemployment:
“We’re in the double digits too…” — Translation: “Unemployment in Florida is HIGHER than unemployment nationwide, by a full point! Go figure!”
On the economy:
“We have a balanced budget in Florida!” — Translation: “without all that stimulus money to plug the major, gaping hole in our budget, boy would we be in trouble!”
On the stimulus:
“We’re spending money on infastructure” — Translation: “we’re holding up the money we’re supposed to be spending on infrastructure, but check out this nifty gambling compact I’ve signed with the Seminoles! (Blackjack, anyone?)”
On education:
“We’re spending on education” — Translation: “we had to boost spending on education because we were ranked so pitifully low in per student spending, we were almost ineligible for education stimulus money from the federal government. Even with the boost, we still spend less on education than most states — including half what New York spends — but at least we’re not Idaho, Utah or Tennessee…”
On taxes:
“We’re cutting property taxes and lowering insurance costs” — Translation: “I promised we’d cut property taxes and insurance costs. Hey! Look over there! Is that a rare, pink dolphin with a pig nose???”
Related: the Miami Herald dices up Charlie Crist’s legacy….
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