Tiger throws in the towel
After a seemingly endless string of bimbo eruptions, and with news of a moving truck pulling up outside his Orlando-area home, Tiger Woods has turned the time-tested advice of PR professionals everywhere upside down. Rather than doing the obvious 3-step process to scandalized sports celebrity recovery (1. public mea culpa, 2. exclusive Barbara or Oprah interview, 3. go back to your sport and win) Tiger is trying a new tactic: he’s quitting golf (for now). From his website, a blockbuster announcement that starts with a blunt admission (so I guess we can check off “step one” …)
I am deeply aware of the disappointment and hurt that my infidelity has caused to so many people, most of all my wife and children. I want to say again to everyone that I am profoundly sorry and that I ask forgiveness. It may not be possible to repair the damage I’ve done, but I want to do my best to try.
I would like to ask everyone, including my fans, the good people at my foundation, business partners, the PGA Tour, and my fellow competitors, for their understanding. What’s most important now is that my family has the time, privacy, and safe haven we will need for personal healing.
After much soul searching, I have decided to take an indefinite break from professional golf. I need to focus my attention on being a better husband, father, and person.
Again, I ask for privacy for my family and I am especially grateful for all those who have offered compassion and concern during this difficult period.
The golf world has got to be reeling, knowing that without Tiger, the 2010 golf season, including TV viewership, in-person attendance, and all the ancillary interest in the sport that has been generated by Tiger Woods Inc., will be seriously damaged. Perhaps this is Tiger’s way of sticking it to everyone … okay, that’s probably a poor choice of words …
Meanwhile, the bimbos keep erupting:
Mistress # whatever, Jamie Jungers, says she’s, like, not a prostitute … and she, like, doesn’t owe Tiger’s wife an apology for having “totally not like boring married sex” with her husband. Like, whatever … Regarding the woman, Michelle Braun, who says Jungers another Tiger side dish, porn actress Holly Sampson, worked for her escort service? Jungers drew a blank on that one, but Braun didn’t:
As for evidence that the women were in her employ, Braun – who said there were “about a half dozen more” women who were paid to keep Woods company – told Access, “I’ve got e-mails referencing them from clients and 1099 [forms]. They were filed with IRS.”
For her part, Sampson says she’s not just another Tiger bimbo … because she did her dirt before he was married … well, slightly before, anyway:
In a widely circulated video clip from an adult Web site, Sampson has claimed that her sexual relationship with Woods occurred before his marriage to Elin Nordegren. (The two wed in October 2004.)
Sampson hooked up with him at his bachelor party. Well, technically that was before the wedding …
Meanwhile, in other hooker-or-not news, Rachel Uchitel is seeking to restore her reputation … with an on-air apology from The View. Uchitel had threatened to sue the show after Joy Behar used the word “hooker” to describe the 30-something party hostess, who up to now was known only for homewrecking this actor, and possibly arranging play dates for Tiger. Perhaps Joy should have used the term “man grabbing madam?”
So now that Tiger is quitting golf (for now … and Nike eagerly awaits his return, as I’m sure does the PGA …) and since he apparently is done living out his extended puberty (we hope) … what’s next for the goofy golfer who doesn’t know better than to text message lowbrow women? He and his wife are reportedly fleeing the bright lights of Florida … for the dimly lit bastion of Elin Nordegren’s birth: they’re reportedly headed to Sweden.
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