Massa’s trainwreck on Beck: ‘I tickled a male staffer on my birthday!’

March 9, 2010 · Posted in News and Current Affairs, Political News 

Note to all male type persons: stay away from Eric Massa on his birthday, unless you want to get tickled real good … Two pieces of news made tonight, if you can call it that: Massa is a tickler, and there are, in fact, dirty text massages out there. New York Post: that one’s for you. As for substantive allegations to back up his big time claims about corruption in the Democratic leadership? You know, the stuff Glenn booked him on the show to dish? Nothing. The liveblog of the “Glenn Beck” Massa interview is below. Enjoy!

LIVEBLOG: After a sappy intro … The Eric Massa “Glenn Beck” interview just got under way, and it’s already way too fabulous! Massa started the interview off by claiming that the latest allegations against him, that he “groped at least three male staffers and conducted himself improperly with interns as well as full-time aides,” were shoveled to Politico by his Democratic enemies to embarrass him before the interview. Then he said the “groping” allegation stems from him grabbing a male staffer and “tickling him” mercilessly on the occasion of Massa’s 50th birthday. Priceless!

Massa quote: “I shouldn’t have allowed myself to be that familiar with my staff … [but] it doesn’t make a difference what my intentions were, but how those actions were perceived by the person.” In other words, maybe it’s not me, it’s you …

He also backed away from his own claim that he was “forced out,” saying in fact, he “forced himself out” by resigning. “I failed. I didn’t live up to my own codes. I own this,” he said. Of the allegations of getting too touchy-feely with staffers, he reiterated the Fracking story, and once “tickled a guy till he couldn’t breathe and then they all jumped on me. It was my 50th birthday. It was ‘kill the old guy.’” He didn’t mention anything specific about interns. … And then he explained himself further by saying that in general, he “never translated my time in the Navy to the Congress” and “shouldn’t have been so familiar” with his staff. Apparently, they tickle each other a lot in the Navy … just like the Village People said …

UPDATE 5:12 p.m.: More Massa — “everybody loves an independent member of Congress, until you are one, and then the whip starts cracking…”

Massa says he did “nothing sexual” but that he did something “wrong” by being “too familiar” with his male staffers. And he adds: “at this point, people will be told to say almost anything about me.”

UPDATE 5:16: Glenn wants to know about naked Rahm. Oh, here we go … he just showed an X-Ray of his tumor to refute Robert Gibbs’ refutation of his many stories of why he quit the House. Sympathy vote! Next, Massa charges that the ethics committee failed to follow its own secrecy rules when it outed him … sorry, I mean when news of its investigation of him leaked. Heading into a commercial break (Beck has commercials? Oh, sorry, it’s just some oil industry ad and a GOLD! ad from G. Gordon Liddy…) When we come back, Glenn wants to know “how does the corruption work” in Congress. Oh, this should be good …

“Ad” number three: a spot about Jesus … then: JEWELRY! Next: a Fox News promo. Wow, this guy really doesn’t have any advertisers left … Cartridge World and an ambulance chaser (ever used Avandia? Look sharp!) And we’re BACK!

UPDATE 5:23: Glenn goes right to the healthcare vote. E.M. “clarifies” that he “decided not to run again” because of the cancer scare, not the scandals, but then he adds that “when I heard people say we’re going to pass this healthcare bill no matter what …” it was a problem for him. Glenn is back to talking about “honor,” saying he doubts that Massa could be ousted over “tickle fights.”

Massa: “I’m gonna do this and one more interview, and then go away.” So why is he here? To tell his story, “and then I’m done.” Back to naked Rahm. The White House says Emanuel has never been butt naked with Eric Massa. E.M. is retelling the story. “Not only did it happen, I’ll never forget it,” he says. I’ll bet!

Of Congress, Massa says “you either go along to get along, or you can literally be bought and sold.” Next, he explains the mechanics of fundraising, saying the rot is in both houses, and “the executive branch,” too. He calls it “bribery.”

UPDATE 5:30: Beck is in full Messianic mode, saying “at some point, the system is going to destroy me and that’s okay.” Glenn’s gonna keep fighting, and he just can’t understand why Massa is throwing in the towel (sniff). Now, Beck is giving Massa a chance to “make a difference for the next half hour” by “telling America what he knows” — Glenn wants names, Eric. He wants the names …

UPDATE 5:37: The names, Eric. Give us the names … E.M. says nothing will change without “campaign finance reform.” But as for actual allegations of “corruption” and “bribery,” all he’s got is a story about a $600 contributor who wrote him a nasty letter after he voted with the Republicans. Even Beck wasn’t buying that …

UPDATE 5:40: Now Glenn is trying to lead the interview in a direction. “The World Trade Center is falling, and you’re a fireman saying to me, you’ve got to get better 911 service in the building. The building’s going to burn down before we get there.” Glenn wants dirt on “the unions” and the White House. Massa isn’t dishing. Glenn is starting to look frustrated. Massa says the leadership of both parties are to blame for the legislative chaos and “arm twisting” on the Hill.

Glenn: “I haven’t heard anything. I’ve heard generalities.” Now, Glenn is going back to Rahm. He wants specifics that he can put on his chalkboard… Another break!

UPDATE 5:44: OMG this is the BEST Fox News commercial EVER! It’s for the Survival Seed Bank, which will allow you to grow your very own “crisis garden,” you know … for when the Armageddon gets going … Brilliant! (Full, but tiny, list of Glenn’s remaining advertisers here.)

Back to the interview. Glenn says Eric talked on the radio, and to him “personally” on the phone, about corruption. Now he wants the dirt dished on TV. Stat! Massa says people should call their congressman and tell them “if you vote against this healthcare bill, we’ll send you back to Congress and give you the backbone to succeed.” Next: “stop calling people names … like ‘socialist’ and ‘communist’ …” (uh oh) And then he said “you can’t show up to a tea party and say we’ve got a budget deficit that just started this year…” Glenn grumbled that “no one on this program has said that.” Um … really? Oh, another break, and it’s G. Gordon Liddy hawking GOLD again! I love Fox News! So entertaining … like “Saturday Night Live” when Eddie Murphy was on it!

UPDATE 5:52: Massa finally made some news. Asked by Glenn if there are “Tiger Woods type phone calls or text messages,” Massa said no calls, but “there are definitely text messages. We bantered back and forth a lot.” Can’t wait to see those. And he’s standing by his Rahm allegation, saying if Rahm denies it, he’s lying. But he now says he apologizes for saying Rahm would tie his kids to a railroad track, but that Rahm would probably tie Massa’s kids to that track, but not his own. “Rahm is very good at making threats, but he’s not good at making friends,” says Eric, who just wants “compromise” on Capitol Hill.

UPDATE 5:56: Ending the interview, Beck just looked into the camera and told America: “I think I’ve just wasted your time. I think this is the first time I’ve wasted an hour of your time.” He failed to get Eric to dish any dirt, suffered through an hour of platitudes and mish mash about being nicer to each other, and didn’t even get a nice naked Rahm story out of the deal. Sorry Glenn. Oh well, back to the commercials for GOLD!!!!

UPDATE: The Beast has the five best Youtube-worthy moments from the interview, starting with this one:

Plus, TDB also points us to a handy primer on Massa’s Caligula show and tell moment.

Tags: , ,

Comments

Leave a Reply




Switch to our mobile site