Scream at teachers and try to gut public employee unions? Check. Cancel job-creating high speed rail projects? Double check. Hang around to help his state through a paralyzing blizzard when he’d rather be at Disney World? Fuhgeddaboudit …
Chris Christie — Republican rock star, longed for tea party presidential candidate and teacher-bashing poster child for the bagger movement’s strange obsession with hating on fast trains — had a lot on his mind as a massive snow storm bore down on his beloved New Jersey: like packing enough beans and wieners to sneak a snack on the plane … toting enough cash for buying Mouse ears in size XXL … and whether or not they sell Slim Fast in 3 ounce cans or less to get them through security. One thing that wasn’t on his mind? The blizzard.
Because screw the blizzard and everybody under it. Chris Christie had a date with Disney!
Ironically, the person in the position New Jerseyites created just for such a contingency — the “Lieutanant Governor” — had better shit to do than hang around for the blizzard either. And that left New Jersey, for the first time since they dumped John Corzine faster than his former friends at Goldman Sachs dump their integrity — in the hands of a Democrat:
As the Garden State took a pounding from the blizzard that’s paralyzing much of the East Coast, New Jersey’s Governor and Lieutenant Governor both escaped the Garden State for holiday vacations, leaving the senate president and acting governor Stephen M. Sweeny to stand-in during the snow.
Sweeny was almost immediately immersed in storm-related issues as the blizzard approached Sunday since Governor Chris Christie and his family left for a Disney vacation in Florida at the same time Lieutenant Governor Kim Guadagno left on a vacation of her own. Christie plans to return to Trenton Thursday.
“The first action I took as Acting Governor was to receive a complete briefing on the state’s storm preparations from the State Police, the Commissioner of Transportation and the Governor’s Chief of Staff,” Sweeny said in a statement Sunday. “Based on current conditions and the forecast I am declaring a state of emergency throughout New Jersey.”
Both Governor Christie and Lieutenant Governor Guadagno are Republicans and their absences turn the New Jersey governor’s office from red to blue since Acting Governor Stephen Sweeney-third in the state’s line of succession–is a Democrat. However Sweeney told the Newark Star Ledger he didn’t plan to push through any legislation Christie wouldn’t approve of while he temporarily serves as governor.
Silly rabbit … he should have signed an executive order outlawing non-jolly fat people and useless “number twos…”
Even the Reaganites at Politico took notice, though Ben Smith was careful to direct most of the blowback toward the LG, who as AOL News points out, pretty much only exists for situations such as this.
But no one knows who the LG of New Jersey is. I can’t even remember his or her full name long enough to put it in this post, and can’t be bothered to look it up. What we do know is that we’re all supposed to think Chris Christie is AWESOME, because he embodies the tea party ideals of self-reliance, take charginess, and beating the crap out of the nearest teacher just because they’re standing there. You know, the kind of stuff the “liberal” media loves.
So come on, Christie, show us a little leg. Slap Goofy around or something while you’re at Disney, or break It’s a Small World with your girth. We need a storyline that’s slightly more pugnacious than “fat man runs from snowstorm” if we’re going to keep hyping you for 2012. It’s either that or with stuck with that wife-dumping loser Newt Gingrich…
Besides, while you’re away sunning your belly (even though it’s really quite cold in Florida right now — cause God don’t like ugly, but he does like teachers…) the guy who’s probably running against you next time around, Corey Booker, is shoveling old people’s snow on Twitter demand.
Put that in your extra large wiener bun, ya big ‘bagger jerk.
Disclaimer: this post is meant to be wicked so please liberal readers, do not email me complaining about the fat jokes. I’d like to lose 20 pounds myself so I claim fat people jokes license on behalf of my people. Thanks. Oh, and Rush Limbaugh is fat, too. Disgustingly fat, to the point that I think his new wife either has a real man on the side or is clinically insane — or they have an arrangement like “Will and Grace.” And that chick from Firedoglake has hideous hair. Sorry in advance for anyone who’s offended, and happy New Year to all!