| Monday, July 14, 2008 |
| Brangelina's twins are here! (And they WILL take your man...) |
 Jen's nemesis gives birth to the French, and the media goes wild. If Anniston and her new beaux, John Mayer, follow suit, those little tykes had better hold onto their spouses, partners or significant others ... The latest Pitt-Jolie offspring include both a boy and a girl Sacre bleu!
Meanwhile, before they've even made it into the tabloids for dumping their spouses for a globe-trotting, do-gooder trollup, the twins have already snagged their first $20 million! Holy pimperation!
| Labels: Angelina Jolie, Angelina will take your man, Brangelina, celebrities, gossip |
posted by JReid @ 10:46 AM   |
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| Tuesday, March 25, 2008 |
| Barack and Brad and Ange and Hil |
No, they will very likely never be running mates, but Barack and Hillary ARE Brangelina ... (ewww...) which of course means that she's a ruthless, man-stealing wench / orphaned, foreign child collector, and he's a dope who still talks to his ex and is far too easily roped into syrupy, pretentious humanitarian-chic photo-ops that he hopes will buy his wife's affection for their actual children. In fact, Barack would be just up Angelina's adoption alley, were he considerably younger and actually IN Kenya! ... but I digress... The New England Historic Genealogical Society reported that Mr Obama is a distant cousin of actor Brad Pitt, while Mrs Clinton is related to Pitt's girlfriend, Angelina Jolie.
Releasing the findings of a three-year-long study, the society issued a bizarre - if intriguing - array of blood ties between the presidential candidates and the great and the good on both sides of the Atlantic.
Among them, Mr Obama is said to be distantly related to Sir Winston Churchill, while his rival Mrs Clinton is reportedly a cousin, far removed, of the Duchess of Cornwall.
Researchers at America's oldest genealogical groups also said that Mrs Clinton, who is of French-Canadian descent on her mother's side, has familial ties to the singers Madonna, Celine Dion and Alanis Morissette, as well as the author Jack Kerouac.
They claimed that Mr Obama, whose white mother was from Kansas and black father from Kenya, is linked to six US presidents - both Democratic and Republican - including George W Bush, who is said to be a 10th cousin. ... She's related to Madonna???!!! ... (ahem) So how DID the researhers forget Dick Cheney? Is Obama not related to him anymore? And if he still is, does that mean that Dick and Dubya are somehow distant cousins, too? One shudders to even think about it. As for John McCain, apparently the thought of tracing his ancestry bored the crap out of the research team, so they didn't bother. No, actuallly his records just aren't that complete ... darn that Panamanian systema de recordes! Labels: 2008 election, Barack Obama, Brangelina, celebrities, Hillary Clinton, presidential candidates |
| posted by JReid @ 11:57 PM |
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| Saturday, December 23, 2006 |
| Top five hussies and ho's of 2006! |
As you know, for many women, there's no man quite so enticing as somebody else's man (right, Julia Roberts?). So this year, we at the Reid Report would like to honor the top five man-stealing hussies of 2006, and their man-ho's, too...!  #5: Denise Richards. How gangsta is Denise Richards? After she dumped that louse Charlie Sheen, she snagged her next man-ornament, rocker Richie Sambora, right out from under the clutches of her best friend, Heather Locklear ... who also happened to be their NEIGHBOR! And she did it after counseling her gal pal to get a divorce ... so she could steal ... her ... man...! I told you she was gangsta! So who are the people in your neighborhood? Man-stealling hussies, that's who! #4: Britney Spears: Having yanked K-Fed off the couch of his  baby's mana interloper from Brandy's TV show, Britney got to breedin' with him late last year, producing, fresh for 2006, an adorable little air bag, who coubles as a yo-yo, and a new baby Kevin can't possibly pay for any more than he pays for the other ...what is it four now, or six...??? Her interview with Matt Lauer? A comedy classic worthy of the Blue Collar Comedy Tour! And how often does your new, soon to be ex-hubby's ex actually THANK you for stealing her deadbeat man? Only in your world, Britney. Now go finalize those divorce papers and put on some drawers!  #3: Scary Spice: Why any woman would want to steal a man capable of making six ... that's SIX kids with one woman is beyond me, but Scary got her Murphy ... and her own little bundle of Murphy joy, too ... assuming that paternity test comes through before he spends all of his "Dreamgirls" money on child support... #2: Karrine Steffans, a/k/a the video vixen and best-  selling author, "Superhead": She helped free Whitney from Bobby Brown, and test drove a Mercedes, all in one gossip column! Love that! Now just keep Bobby busy long enough for Whitney to completely detox and get her album done and we're straight... ... and at number 1: you guessed it! Brangelina! They managed to devastate America's sweetheart, Jennifer Aniston, and enthrall Anderson Cooper and that Asian lady from the Today Show all at once with their charitable, third world adoption magic! Who will they cheat with next??? What lengths will Angelina go to to prove she's not the wicked witch of the West? Can Brad fake that golly-gee do-gooderism long enough to get back his box office mojo??? And what fabulous negro charity will benefit from all this man-stealing, wife dumping excitement???  Stay tuned! 2007 is sure to be a doozy! Labels: 2006, Bobby, Brangelina, celebrities, cheaters, Eddie Murphy, Scary Spice, Whitney |
| posted by JReid @ 2:39 AM |
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